Five things Culinary Schools won't tell you...

Dear Reader, 

Chuckling at my deathly pallor in the mirror, the result of years under kitchen fluorescents, I popped yet another dose of Advil. 

Despite the fact that this is all I've ever wanted to do, I found myself chuckling at my life choices in the early morning hours. While every sane person I knew was asleep, I was molding molten sugar and trying not to think too much about my aching back. It got me thinking... 

People's eyes often fly open with excitement when I tell them what I do for a living.  

Visions of sugarplums dance in their heads as fantasies of leaving the proverbial 'grind' flood their minds.  They dramatically toss off their $100,000./year career with benefits and don the distinctive striped apron of a kitchen Commis. 

They imagine themselves making a single pie, or perhaps "that cake they saw that their kid could make" and then retiring for the evening; fully satisfied with their life's work.

As I'm sure you can imagine, the reality of kitchen work is nothing like the sugar covered fantasies played out on The Food Network.  If you peel away the pink candyfloss fantasy, you will find under appreciated minions with foul mouths, sallow complexions and scheduled back surgery.

As the Advil kicked in, I laughed at the idea of creating a REAL list of what kitchen work is like.  The horror! 

Five things they don't tell you about in Culinary School:

1. Your feet/hands/back/knees will get destroyed.  Accept this fact and have a career escape plan in place by the time you are 40. 
2. You will live in a constant state of sleep deprivation.  Paradoxically, this will make you extremely high strung.
3. The hours you work in a week are, in fact, not legal. But you knew that...
4. The pastry department is not climate controlled. It is usually shared with the salad guy and sandwiched as an afterthought next to the dishwasher.  The owner will randomly unplug your refrigerator in order to save money.
5. Kitchens are not bastions of political correctness. If you are easily offended, get out.  Your humor will soon degrade into the socially unacceptable.  Accept this fact and try not to swear at the hapless supermarket cashier.  

When asking yourself if kitchen work is the right career for you, consider the theater adage "If you can imagine yourself doing *anything* else, go do it." 

It is true that the hours are long, the conditions deplorable and the pay insulting.  However, if it's what you truly love, you'll relish those 3 a.m Advil breaks.   

Stay sweet!

Lisa